Medford, Oregon, March 28, 2017: A friend on Facebook was wailing about expressing her feelings, and the resulting reactions from others that didn’t go well. And it took me back, to remember …
I don’t remember where or when, or what had just happened, but I recall the exact moment, so many years ago, that I had a brainstorm, and I realized that I didn’t need to share every thought I had, every view, every observation, every opinion.
I realized that everyone else around me was busy living their own lives, and that at any given moment they had their own battles (sometimes bigger than mine, and certainly bigger to them). So there were good times for me to share my views, and (lots of times) to not share my views at all.
And I felt — But I gotta express myself! — and then realized that no, actually, I didn’t gotta, and sometimes it would be self-destructive for me to do so, or damaging or hurtful to others around me, in spite of my powerful urge to do so.
Well, my life didn’t change over night, but over years, it did.
And now I sometimes share “who I am” and sometimes I don’t. Because, really, you are who you are, but what you do — talk, express yourself, remain silent, wave your arms, sit quietly — these are just behaviors.
Who you are is an eternal truth, and only evolves over time as you learn and grow. But mere behaviors? They are within your control, to select (or not) in each moment to advance your survival, and the survival of those around you.
That’s my two cents. Maybe it might be a useful viewpoint to explore.
Or maybe not.