Been Around the Block. Got Some Stories. These are Them.
In one of the last scenes in the fun movie, “Pirates of the Caribbean,” the heroine makes a statement about the leading man. She says, lovingly, “He’s a pirate.”
As you may recall from the movie, that young man started out hating the pirates, and yet, in the course of his adventures, he’s become bolder and he has dared great things, and by golly he has become a pirate. And that’s a good thing.
And so … why is it a good thing to be a pirate?
Medford, Oregon, March 28, 2017: A friend on Facebook was wailing about expressing her feelings, and the resulting reactions from others that didn’t go well. And it took me back, to remember …
I don’t remember where or when, or what had just happened, but I recall the exact moment, so many years ago, that I had a brainstorm, and I realized that I didn’t need to share every thought I had, every view, every observation, every opinion.
I realized that everyone else around me was busy living their own lives, and that at any given moment they had their own battles (sometimes bigger than mine, and certainly bigger to them). So there were good times for me to share my views, and (lots of times) to not share my views at all.
And I felt — But I gotta express myself! — and then realized that no, actually, I didn’t gotta, and sometimes it would be self-destructive for me to do so, or damaging or hurtful to others around me, in spite of my powerful urge to do so.
Well, my life didn’t change over night, but over years, it did.
And now I sometimes share “who I am” and sometimes I don’t. Because, really, you are who you are, but what you do — talk, express yourself, remain silent, wave your arms, sit quietly — these are just behaviors.
Who you are is an eternal truth, and only evolves over time as you learn and grow. But mere behaviors? They are within your control, to select (or not) in each moment to advance your survival, and the survival of those around you.
That’s my two cents. Maybe it might be a useful viewpoint to explore.
Or maybe not. 
Medford Oregon, January 23, 2016: Two writer friends and I had coffee yesterday, because they wanted to talk about marketing their books. One of them has published a couple of books but his last one has not sold much yet. The other fellow is still working on his book. Both books are novels.
I confessed that although I’ve written several books and have published them in one way or another, I’m no big expert on this subject.
However, as the get-together unfolded, between my marketing experiences and their ideas we actually did put together a couple of plans that seem very likely to be effective.
Today, I got an email from one of them, and in his email he said:
“All very interesting, and I want to know more, but my purist streak pulls me back to the Dark Side, to wit: Why don’t I just learn how to write a Story that makes a reader want to burn through it before lunch because I have made this huge promise and they are hungry for their payoff?”
As I began to respond to his question, it reawakened something I learned many years ago from my client Jerry Richardson, the author of “Powers of Persuasion,” which became a national best-seller, about how we humans leave out parts of sentences. I have found it very useful over the years. Perhaps you will find interesting this response to my writer friend —
Hi,
To answer your question —
You asked: “Why don’t I just learn how to write a Story that makes a reader want to burn through it before lunch because I have made this huge promise and they are hungry for their payoff?”
Your answer is inside your question. All English-speakers engage in a practice that linguists would call “omission” or “deletion.” We delete parts of the sentence because they are “understood.” An example: [Read more…]
Medford, Oregon June 27, 2015 — Since she lost her vision, Susan has remained stand-offish, edgy, sometimes crying alone in her room. Coming to terms, but it’s hard. She doesn’t want comforting from me. Doesn’t want to be touched or held. Sometimes friendly; sometimes not exactly.
A few weeks ago near the beginning of the month, at the table she said we need to talk. You never really want to hear those words.
The story, made simple, is this: She said she didn’t want to be in a relationship any more. She says she feels like a different person. She says she finds it uncomfortable living in this house with me, as she doesn’t feel she has enough space of her own. I am “too big a personality.” I think that means too noisy, when I’m talking on the phone with clients, always present in the house for I work here. She says it’s too much for her current state of mind.
She’s going to move out just before July first. She’s paid her share of rent for June. Her daughter Saradevi has offered that Susan can live with her, and she’s going. Oddly, Saradevi has recently moved to the teeny-tiny town of Caspar, near Fort Bragg on the Mendocino coast, in a tiny house out in the middle of nowhere.
Since Susan’s catastrophe, which wiped out her artist work and her bookselling business, I have been focusing on my work, to get more clients and income, thinking how to increase our income, for she cannot work and her social-security check is small. But now it seems that’s not to matter much. I love her as intensely as ever. But she doesn’t want me to take care of her.
My belief up to this point was that we would spend the rest of our lives together.
And now, the plan has changed. [Read more…]
[reprinted from my former site How to Tune a Human, March 28, 2010]
In another article (‘What is the Unconscious Mind?‘), I described how the so-called Unconscious Mind consists entirely of things learned by habit or happenstance, and which then sunk below what we call consciousness, so as to operate automatically to promote our survival.
There are many things which our culture believes are automatic and unknowing processes — such as regulating our blood pressure, remembering to breathe, regulating the salinity of our blood and the acidity of our stomach acid — and that these processes are built into the body, are automatic, and cannot be controlled.
Yet we know by observation that there are yogis who have in fact taken control of many of these processes, and so we know it can be done. But why don’t you and me have awareness of these things?
[reprinted from Shyguy’s How To Get A Girlfriend Blog, March 28, 2009]
All too often, in our lives we find ourselves being manipulated or influenced by other men, by women, and sometimes even by the damned television.
Of course, as a kid against a schoolyard bully, perhaps the only options are the Charles Atlas course, karate classes, or a tactful withdrawal. But in later life usually we’re not influenced by physical threat.
It’s done with worths, with images, and with social pressure.
If you’re being influenced this way … what that tells you is that you DO NOT actually understand how it’s happening. Oh, you may have theories and opinions about those bad people.
But if you’re still being manipulated, either “having” to go along, or even resisting but feeling upset or angry about it .. then you DO NOT fully understand how it works.
But here’s how to change that …
[reprinted from my former site How to Tune a Human, August 17, 2008]
What is it about taking a shower that causes new ideas to pop into your head?
Is it the invigorating ions that are caused by splitting water droplets?
Or is it a simple as Murphy’s law triggered because you will never have pencil and paper in the shower?
I don’t know the answer to this time-proven rule, but as of this morning’s shower, I do know a super-simple way to look at mental health, a simple way to be happier and more productive.
It’s simply this —
[reprinted from my former site How to Tune a Human, May 1, 2007]
The ‘Non-Conscious’ mind can regulate your body in a thousand ways (all normally below your consciousness), and the ‘Non-Conscious’ mind can automatically serve up learned actions like a tennis-serve or automatically serve up your opinion of the President or automatically make you feel anxious on a date. Some of this is swell, and some of this is occasionally awful, but the Non-Conscious mind is looking out for you as best it can, and everything it does is automatic.
Think of the President. There’s your opinion … automatically.
Go out on a date. There’s your usual feeling … automatically.
Decide to tie your shoe. There go your hands … automatically tying your shoe.
But what if you’d like to do something … different … for a change?
