How to Find “The One”

Medford Oregon, March 13, 2018 –– A Facebook friend of mine named Alvin Curren raised a question today. His post said —

“A friend asked me what I was looking for and this was my answer: I’m looking for the total package. Someone that will be a friend, partner, lover, companion for life, travel buddy, inspiration, and that we can work together to change the world.

“What is the statistical probability of actually achieving all those criteria? In the natural world, it would be considered a mathematical operational impossibility. So I don’t hold my breath. And I don’t worry. There is one thing worse than being single and lonely, that is being married and lonely.”

And in fact I know a workable approach to finding a best solution to this kind of problem, this kind of desire. And today I’m going to

share it with you …

How to Find “The One”

Actually, “the one” is an error of thinking, because there is actually no such thing, and thinking that there is actually leads you to make strategic errors in your search for romance, so best not to think this way.

However, to approach this kind of problem, your best bet is to narrow down what will make you happy, and what will make you crazy, then once you know the key issues, you can find someone who will make generally make you happy without making you crazy, and this is a good formula for a happy life with someone else.

How to do this is pretty simple with this research/exercise …

What Makes You Happy? What Makes You Crazy?

On paper, assuming you are male and looking for a woman, you list every woman in your entire life that you’ve had any kind of relationship with. Not just romance, your mom and grandmom and aunts and some teachers .. that is EVERY woman you’ve had some sort of developed relationship with.

Now if you want to make sure your list is COMPLETE — which will give the best results, take three days. On day one list everyone till you can’t think of anyone else, you’ve run dry. But on day two take your list and you’ll find that additional people will occur to you. They’ve been “uncovered” by your work on day one. Run dry. Same thing on day three. Now let me warn you that you will tend to feel kind of “squeezed dry” at this point, and it’s mildly uncomfortable.

Not to worry. This running-dry process three times means that your list is about as complete as can ever be.

Traits and Qualities You Have Already Encountered …

Next, for every woman on the list, list the things that made you happy or attracted you (in one column) and things that made you crazy (in a different column). Some of these things may surprise you. For example I was surprised to discover (years ago when I did this) that with only a couple of exceptions, nearly all the women I’d been attracted to had brown eyes. It does not matter whether the things you list seem like big and important things or small and unimportant things.

You may also be surprised to discover that some things or qualities or behaviors they have may appear on both the “attract” and the “make crazy” lists!

Identifying the ‘Constellations’

Once you have these long lists, you list all the things that attract. And you will discover that certain things that attract have appeared multiple times (from multiple women). For these, keep a count. (For example, my “brown eyes” was there many, many times.) These groups, or ‘constellations’ of similar or near-identical traits will tend to just jump out at you.

Do the same for the “make crazy” side.

Rank Them In Order, and Eliminate the ‘Don’t Matter’ Ones

Now that you have clarity about what you want and what you wish to avoid, then for each thing, rank them.

The most important things you want that really or automatically tend to make you happy. (For example, the brown eyes was so automatic with me, even though it had been unconscious, that it ranked near the top. That is, I knew it would tend to be operating, and was for some reason, important to my positive reaction.)

Now as you look at the lists, you will realize that some things further down on the list are unimportant. The screening quesion is “If I had everything else that I want here, but not that one, would I care?” or “If I didn’t have to worry about any of these crazy-makers except maybe for this one, would I care?”

Keep the ones that matter, toss the ones where you wouldn’t care.

Your Workable, Accurate Specification

Now you have an accurate specification of exactly what to seek and what to avoid for the human that you are.

And … it’s a *workable* specification. We have discarded perfectionism, which can leave you empty and unsatisfied. We have identified things that matter about which you have been unconscious all your life, and yet they are several of the most important things.

Cool beans.

Commit your specification to memory, or keep it on paper on the wall.

Go Forth and Check Out Lots of Women

Now go forth and interact with many, many women.

(If you do not know how to do this, I have a tested-and-proven method that has nothing to do with pickup lines, but in re-framing your approach to make it fun, easy to do, and successful. You will find it, broken down into parts, in this weblog, generally identified as the ‘pick up women’ category, including How to Get a Girlfriend or Boyfriend, and How to Pick Up Girls part 1, and How to Pick Up Girls part 2.)

Now go and you will find someone that “fits the bill.” Since all of us humans have our differences, your “total package” is different from mine. And this process spells out your “total package” in a way that is attainable, and accurate. Give it a shot and you’ll see.

And how will you know when you have found that one? The test question is — “Would I be a FOOL to let her get away?”

Happy hunting.