The Adventures of Bloggard

Been Around the Block. Got Some Stories. These are Them.

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John and Joan

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

North Texas State University, Denton, Texas, 1965: There were two girls named Patty. I loved each of them, at different times. The one called Pretty Patty eventually ran off with a guy named Gary; I lost track of them in Santa Fe.

The other was called Patty Cake, and on the eve of my 21st birthday, completely misinformed while I was away getting the beer, threw a fit and all my records onto the floor of my apartment, and so I stopped phoning her. When next I saw her, she was abashed, embarassed. I leaned over the table, looking into her eyes, and said softly, “You scamp,” and she knew it was over between us.

But this was before all that, when life was still fresh and light-hearted. Now the deal was, there was John, and there was Joan. John was younger, because, being brilliant, he’d graduated high-school at sixteen, and now found himself editor of our college Literary Magazine.

Joan I no longer recall clearly, except that John showed us the marks she had made on his back, so I guess she had her points.

But the thing was, the two of them squabbled. Squabbilus, squabbelaste, squabbalorum. All the time. About anything. About nothing. Without regard to anyone present. Always, always, always. So annoying it was, to wade through this movable skirmish.

So Patty Cake and I, commiserating over wine, hatched a plan to cure them.

First, we invited them to an evening, dinner and wine, at my tiny apartment at 1308 1/2 West Hickory, across from the English Building. We had the usual student meal in which spaghetti was featured, and red wine. And a little more red wine.

About the time everybody was feeling good, we arranged it that John and Joan sat on the sofa, out of the way. They’d bickered earlier, off and on, but were basking in a fine mood now.

However, Patty Cake and I began to quarrel. We really began to quarrel. We grew more and more heated, until we were standing mid-room, screaming into each other’s faces. Patty Cake drew back and slapped me, hard. It staggered me.

Bellowing in rage, I ran to grab a huge butcher knife, and, raising it high, I sprang at her. She shrank, screaming.

At the last moment … we stopped, and turned together to where John and Joan sat paralysed, eyes wide in horror. And Patty Cake and I said, calmly, “See? Do you see how unpleasant it is to be around people fighting all the time?”

Numbly, open-mouthed, they nodded.

Later, more wine. Sometime late, late, late, we four found ourselves in a children’s playground, in the dark, upon a grassy knoll, falling off some kind of merry-go-round contraption, and laughing and laughing and laughing.

It was very late towards morning when Patty Cake and I got cozy in my apartment, to spend some time together. Perhaps it was a long time together. My bed was next to the window, and just as we were drifting off to sleep, there was a hint of daybreak outside, and the sounds of birds singing.

I fell asleep, smiling, content.

Categories // All, college, happiness, Looking Back

A Tiny Miracle on Napa Street

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Lacunae — blind spots —
like black cats prowling midnight,
but just out of sight.

Napa Street, Berkeley, Summer 1977: In Christine’s room, Richard W. and I were yakking about nothing in the late morning. The windows were open; the day would be warm. A fat fly buzzed lazily around Richard where he lounged on the floor beneath the window.

Our talk turned to magic and miracles. He’d seen some; I’d seen some. I was relating a strange experience in England. How magic can happen in an instant, with no sense of effort, and as though something else is acting through you. I’d felt it before. It feels natural, more natural than most days’ living; it’s hard to describe.

“It was as if, suddenly, there’s a kind of a wave, and you’re being carried along. You’re caught up,” I said, trying to capture it.

A Fat Fly Buzzed Around.

He looked dubious.

“It’s like this,” I said. I pointed to the fly. “Suppose I said to that fly, ‘Come here.’”

The fly flew across the room, and landed on my finger.

“And then suppose I said, ‘Fly out the window.’”

The fly took off, flew past Richard and out the window.

Richard gaped. I nodded. It had come; it had gone. I felt no sense of triumph, or strength; it wasn’t exactly me that did it. It felt … right. At the time, it seemed inevitable.

Is this something that’s always in us, waiting to emerge? Or does it pass through humanity like a wind through the boughs? Why does it appear seemingly only at great need, or, like today, in no need at all? Is it a matter of attention, or, like conscious dreaming, a matter of exactly the right amount of inattention? What is it?

These things — miracles, epiphanies, synchronicities — surround us, like nebulae of faeries, visable and hiding in plain sight. Magic breathes into and out of our world, transient lacunae, trailing thin and smoky tracks like cosmic rays in this cloud chamber we call Earth. A blink of the mind; they are gone.

 

Categories // All, Haiku, Looking Back, magic, manifestation, unconscious mind

Buddha Next Door

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

495 Third Avenue #8, San Francisco, 1975: Reading a lot of metaphysical books, I studied astral projection and conscious dreaming. Success was limited, but on this particular night the dream-like experience was clear.

I was lying down and deeply relaxing, in the evening, and mentally I left my body. I rose and floated outside, finding myself now walking the sidewalk. In this vision, it was daytime, and in crossing the street, I found myself wading through a heaving mass of alligators.

When I made it across the street, there was something odd about the door of the house on the corner.

This door was now painted red, and upon it a paper notice fluttered. I climbed their stair to read it, but once there, the door was open, and I stepped into the dim hallway. A dark stair led to the floor above, and to the left an open door revealed a lighted room, with rows of folding chairs, like a classroom.

I took a seat, and perhaps others were there. A monk in a brown robe entered, and at the blackboard he drew a large circle, with a hub and spokes, using many-colored chalk.
As I watched, this diagram began to spin, growing larger in my vision until it became a vast wheel, spinning in space, blurring at incredible speed, and yet ponderous, revolving as slowly as the aeons.

In this vision, I thought, “The Wheel of Dharma.”

At the time, I didn’t know what Dharma was. I still don’t know what Dharma is. But what happened the next week was real enough.

This corner house in my vision was a real house. It was just across the street. From my windows, it looked like any San Francisco flat, meaning no yard around, of two stories and touching the neighbor house to either side. Except, this was a corner house, and the long side faced my windows. Painted white like others on the street, nothing notable; that is, until the moving van began unloading the strange crates.

Some of these were huge, and all were labelled with symbols in a foreign alphabet. Please note, I’m speaking not of any vision, but of what occurred outside my second-floor apartment the following week. Huge wooden crates with strange symbols in some foreign language.

Somehow I was not surprised when, the next day, thin monks in brown robes began to come and go around that house, and a few days later, towards the evening, when lights went on inside, I discovered that my window looked down and directly into a long room in that house.

There, at the end of the room, a huge statue of the seated Buddha, pale white, in the bliss of contemplation.

Categories // Looking Back

The Gypsies by the Slough

03.13.2011 by bloggard // 3 Comments

Near Hurnville, Texas, 1949: I think the horse’s name was Blue. I was five. My grandfather placed me before him, upon the saddle, and we rode down past the creek.

The house sat at hilltop, and the creek wound and wandered below. That’s where the trees grew. Thick and stunted trees, unruly, choked with vines and grasses, and below the west field tall pecan trees reaching high. And beyond the creek was a sluggish backwater. Grandfather called it the Slough.

It was there that we found the gypsies.

The real thing, they were. A wagon on tall, red-spoked wooden wheels, long faded. The wagon enclosed with wooden sides. No fanciful decoration like in the movies, just white paint with blue trim, a window behind the driver’s bench, and a doorway open from the back.

Unhitched, their horse grazed nearby, on the rich grasses in the meadow between the creek and the Slough. Grandfather had seen their campfire the night before, from the house. It meant they had unhitched the barbed-wire gate of his property. They were trespassing upon his land. As a rancher and farmer, this aroused indignation. But he was polite.

There was a thin man, wearing jeans and a blouse-like shirt, and a bandana around his head. Thin, wiry, dark-eyed, with sun-browned creases in his face and hands. A short, plump woman in a skirt and a man’s shirt, with black hair tied back. A bun? A braid? I do not recall. And a youngster, my age or younger, but with a wild and darting look, shoeless, silent, now smiling, now troubled, now shrewd. An unusual child, like an animal.

Over their campfire edged with stones, a stick propped, and holding a blackened kettle. Some sign of tin plates. A thin rope tied between two trees, with a few garments, drying.

The man made embarrassed hellos, cautious to see the reception. I don’t know what was said. I was five.

I believe that my Grandfather asked them to leave, at a certain time. I’d like to think he’d brought a covered basket of something good from my grandmother, covered with a blue and white checked cloth, perhaps biscuits from the oven and a cold jar of butter, perhaps a cool jug of buttermilk, fresh from the churn. But perhaps this is just a memory created by the years.

I do not know what happened to them, nor how they came there, nor when they went. None were seen again. Perhaps the cart and the horse vanished from our earth, soon after.

Gypsies. The real thing. I saw them, that day.

Categories // Looking Back

The Musical Idiot

03.13.2011 by bloggard // 2 Comments

San Francisco, 1979: On Haight Street, the music store was originally called “Chickens that Sing Music.” There Dave Harp offered a class called “Blues Harmonica for the Musical Idiot”, and I signed up.

Dave used advanced technology: xeroxed lessons. I was impressed because, at my business, we’d thought ourselves thoroughly modern with a Gestetner mimeograph. So as to fit on one xerox sheet — expensive, fifteen cents per page, those early copies — he chopped the lesson up into different boxes, sometimes packed in sideways.

I still have these original xerox lessons, fading in a folder; Dave’s gone on to create a publishing empire and lives in Vermont with his sweetheart and babies, and gives talks about meditation and music all around the country. But back then he taught Blues Harmonica.

One day, in my studio apartment, I’d heard the blues walking up the sidewalk, underneath my windows. Later, as it turned out, he hired the Thumbtack Bugle and we put his posters up. But I digress. Back to Chickens that Sing Music.

I’d talked Bob into signing up, so there we were, sitting in folding chairs, awaiting the beginning of class. In walked a woman with a lot of curly hair. I liked her looks, and as she passed, I said, “Wow! You smell great!”

That is how I met my wife.

She wasn’t much interested. After class, I walked her back to her place on Stanyan, chatting about something. I didn’t ask to walk her home, just started blathering as she left the front door, and then walked along chattering, and before long reached her flat on Stanyan street.

It wasn’t much, but it was a start. I made sure to go to the next few lessons. Sometimes she was there. Sometimes not. One week, I concocted some reason to importune her for a ride from point A to point B. I asked her out. She declined. I tried again later. She accepted.

She told me later that she’d been seeing a couple of other guys, and liked them both better than me, and on that date she’d planned to tell me thanks but no thanks for the future. But it was some japanese restaurant on Union street, and the conversation went well, and saki and laughter decided her to delay turning me down.

And one thing led to another, and though she’d moved to Oakland, my motorcycle and I flew the Bay Bridge and through the freeways. Time was no barrier.

And then one day it dawned upon me that I would be a fool to let her ever escape. And so, fearful to the heels of my feet, I asked her to marry me in a moment. “Yes,” she said.

I did learn to play blues harmonica — blues harp, said properly — but I don’t play the blues harp much these days. Time came and went. I was married for a time, and then I wasn’t. For I was a fool; and I did let her escape. But that’s another story.

Categories // Looking Back

At 3304 Geary Boulevard

03.13.2011 by bloggard // 4 Comments

San Francisco, 1980: We’d outgrown my studio apartment on Third Avenue. Network Answering Service, the operators who answered the phones, the Thumbtack Bugle, plus the bookkeeper, and me. Time to move.

I searched Arguello. I searched Clement, and Balboa. I searched California Street. I found a second-story flat on Geary Boulevard, on the corner of Parker across from the Post Office. I walked the wooden floors in the empty rooms; it was a vast space, cheery with sunlight, and smelling of new varnish.

On the street below, the phone company was digging up the concrete in the middle of the street, so they could run our phonelines. I watched through the sunny windows. Never before had anybody dug up a street for me. This must be the big time!

For three weeks straight, I built shelving and set up our new workspace. Rosie the Cat kept me company. I got new lamps and large plants.

London, Paris, Tokyo.

In the foyer at the top of the stairs, I installed four KitKat clocks, with wagging eyes and tails. On the wall, all in a row, I had three black ones, with signs saying London, Paris, Tokyo. Then a pink one with rhinestones labeled San Francisco. Oh, we had arrived.

As it turned out, the foyer lacked light for the plants, and the operators wore out my rugs. The KitKat clocks gave out over time, and heating was a problem, as the thermostat was in one room and the heater in another; adjustment was, to say the least, tricky. Operators solved it by running the heater at full blast, while opening windows to let in the cool air. In this way they made themselves comfortable.

I explained that we would not be able to heat up Geary Boulevard. This made no impression.

I tore up some twenty dollar bills and tossed the pieces out the window, just as an example. That made an impression, of a sort, but little difference.

The cats, Rosie and Cosmo, liked the new digs.Then operator Anita found Morgan, just a tiny kitten abandoned in a paper bag, to join our crew. At first I lived in the large, dark-paneled room at the rear. There it was that I asked Lori to marry me. She said yes, we got married, we moved to an apartment at the corner of Carl and Cole streets.

I set up a development lab, and began designing the Line Seizer, an electronic device that talked with the telephone company’s central office as they sent calls to our answering service, identifying for our operators which client’s phone was ringing in to us. I took to wearing overalls like I’d seen real computer guys do.

There were excitements and triumphs, troubles and despairs, dramas and traumas. The actors came and went. Along the way, Lori and I estranged ourselves, and she ran the answering service while I took a job which carried me to Newport Beach, then Texas, then back to San Francisco, where we then sold the answering service. A manager was found for the voicemail business, I became a private investigator. Rooms were rented out.

One day, a notice from the city. Zoning problem. Time to move.

On the last day, walking around the wooden floors in empty rooms, I remembered that first day so many years earlier. The empty rooms now seemed worn and friendly. We’d traveled together; we hated to part.

Categories // adventure, All, bidness, Looking Back

Bishop Nippo Syaku

03.13.2011 by bloggard // 1 Comment

San Francisco, 1975: I saw the flimsy poster, but it was quaint rather than crude. Bishop Nippo Syaku would give some short talks about Zen. In the rawboned Victorian near Filmore street, poor lighting made the room seem drab, but Bishop Nippo lit up the place. The Bishop was a round-faced, cheerful fellow, very chipper he was. He spoke often of the nature of things.”We say, ‘Oh the flower is pretty!’” He beamed, “But flower does not care!”

On this evening, he spoke of how the True Buddhist is without fear. This amazed me, and made me ponder. I raised my hand.

“Yes?”

“Let me see if I’ve got this straight,” I said. I pointed to an empty chair. “Let’s say the True Buddhist was sitting right there.”

Bishop Nippo nodded.

“And let’s say that a Sabre-Tooth Tiger came through that door.” Everybody looked at the door. I continued, “Now the True Buddhist would feel no fear, but he would jump up and run like hell, correct?”

“Ah!” said Bishop Nippo Syaku. “That is True Buddhist!”

Categories // All, buddhism, consciousness, happiness, ideas, Looking Back, meditation, mind, personal growth, zen

Law 23 of Human Agreement

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

This is a simple law of nature, but one which is very handy:

A human will tend to resist any change about which he has not been consulted.

That’s it.

Don’t make changes — no matter how beneficial — which will affect another human, without first saying something like “I notice that your car is broken. I could fix it for you. Should I?”. Exceptions? Sure. Buy your girl a diamond bracelet; probably things will work out. But generally, consult first, then change stuff. Everybody happy.

Even if you already know what you’re going to do, ask them for ideas first. Even if, when consulted, they claim your desired change is a terrible idea, you will still get better acceptance if they’ve had a chance to say. (At the very least, they’ll feel satisfied that they told you so!) Take it for a test drive; you’ll see.

Knowing this important secret of the universe, go forth and prosper.

Categories // Looking Back

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