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Captured by the Black Bart Gang

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Henrietta, Texas, 1956 or 1957: I’m not sure of the date. In the terror of the memory, some parts are vague, unreal. It was when I attended Junior High, which at that time was in the old, two-story brick high school building near the center of town.

Life was exciting and new. My friends and I were in the big school, with the big, grown-up kids in high school, and some of them had cars. My home life was shaken up, for my mother had married Dr. Strickland, and we’d gone to live in the flat of rooms above his office. This was on the other side of downtown, across from the hospital, and right on the main road, Highway 287, which ran through the center of town.

I had a friend named Bobby Mitchell, I had been to their house, and so I knew his older brother, Mike Mitchell.

Mike generally ignored me, or treated me with disdain. He was at that age when teen boys begin to think themselves wild and dangerous, and that’s what started the trouble.

What happened was, one of Mike’s pals, I think it was Larry Holman, had a car. It was an old, rounded Ford or a Mercury, I didn’t know cars so I’m not sure, but he drove it to High School, and several of Mike’s friends and Larry Holman began hanging around together, and usually departing school in this car.

Mike had dark hair and flashing eyes, and had grown tall and rangy, and I guess his buddies started calling him ‘Black Bart.’ His name was not Bartholomew, but I suppose that ‘Black Bart’ sounded more sinister than ‘Black Mike.’

And what with one thing and another, the next thing I know, I began hearing references to … Black Bart’s gang.

Sounded scary.

That day the bunch of them were lounging against the car in the shade of the elms outside the school, as I left the doors and the safety of the high school building. Perhaps they picked up on my fear, because Mike called out, “Dickie!” (That was my name.) I blinked.

“Huh?”

“Come here!” he ordered.

Reluctantly, I walked up to the car where they stood, scowling. They were so big. I said nothing.

“Where are you going?” he demanded.

“Uh, home,” I said.

“We’ll see about that,” he said. “Get in the car.”

Perhaps there were looks back and forth between the four of them, but I didn’t see. I was terrified, and I got in the car, into the back seat as he held the door open.

They all piled in. Larry Holman drove, with Mike riding shotgun. I was squished between the other two in the back seat. Mike smiled over the seat at me, an evil smile.

“We’re going to take you for a little ride,” he said.

“Uh ….” I said.

“Shut up!”

Larry Holman backed up and pulled out, tires squealing. He glanced at Mike. Mike gestured ahead.

“Let’s take him out to the country,” he said.

“Uh ….” I said.

“Shut up!”

I shut up.

Larry Holman turned onto the highway.

Mike ordered me to get down on the floorboards in the back. One of the others put his foot on my back.

I could see nothing but the ratty carpet in front of my face. It smelt of damp leaves. It wasn’t very comfortable, because of the hump in the floor, which was where the driveshaft went to the back wheels. I began thinking about everything I knew about cars, trying to calm my racing mind, as I felt the car speeding and slowing, rocking this way and that, turning corners.

The members of the gang talked among themselves. One asked if they should really leave me way out here. The others said sure, that I could walk home in a few hours. So I knew they probably weren’t planning to kill me. Then they began talking about the wild dogs.

This went on for some time. They grew quiet, occasionally saying something like, “That’s old man Johnson’s place. Remember when he shot that guy with the shotgun?”

After what seemed an eternity, the car drew up to a stop.

“Get out,” said Mike, that is, Black Bart.

“Come on!” I cried out.

“Shut up! Get out!”

The door opened. I was hefted and shoved out the door.

Terrified, stumbling, I regained my feet, as the car squealed away behind me.

I was standing in front of my house.

Categories // adventure, All, Looking Back

Peeping and Hiding

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Wichita Falls, Texas, 1971: In my apartment I played my stratocaster. I was thin and trim in those days, and I’d picked up a girlfriend for a week or two, by the name of Mary.

I don’t recall how I met her, but she had a teeny-tiny little apartment some dozen blocks away from where I lived, and so who knows? Maybe I met her on the street. But I’d met her somewhere, and always an eager experimenter at that time, I’d fetched her to my place for a while.

I didn’t think she was a truly pretty girl, but she was eager and earnest, and … well … those are good qualities, with the right timing.

And Mary was a devotee of something called Sloe Gin. It’s a weird kind of sweetish alcohol beverage, and she’d been drinking quite a bit of it that day there in my apartment, and she came to sit on the carpet about a foot away from where I stood, playing my statocaster.

I was rocking out. I must have thought I was pretty cool, and I was having a good time.

And ignoring Mary, for she commenced to writhe around my legs.

For just a minute there I thought I was probably Keith Richards.

But then other thoughts intruded, and we shall now pass over later events of the day. In silence.

Now, as it happened, I only kept company with Mary for a little while.

Maybe I got a better offer. Maybe I became bored with her. I no longer remember. But callous youth, I moved on, and forgot about her.

About a year later, I was walking up my street. It was a grey and overcast day, of a neutral temperature. I don’t know what I was doing, probably just taking a walk to stretch my legs. Somehow the walk got longer and longer, and when I was on the block that was near Mary’s old apartment, I was crossing the street, and about a block away, I saw Mary.

She was pushing a baby cart.

I ducked.

I jumped behind a car, and peeked out cautiously. Yup. Mary.

Yup. Baby cart.

Skulking out of sight, I went round the block in the other direction. She never saw me. With an interesting mix of thoughts and emotions flooding through my mind, I crept back to my apartment.

And that’s the end of the story.

Categories // comfort zone, Looking Back, music

How to Write a Sales Script

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

San Francisco, Many Years Ago: Back in those days, I ran an answering service and later a voicemail company from an office on beautiful, scenic Geary Boulevard.

Fueled by a talk I heard at a trade convention, I began to experiment with ‘scripted’ sales presentations on the telephone. The lady giving the talk had claimed that a scripted sales presentation got more sales than just ‘winging’ it.

But first you got to write down the script!

How to do that?

Well …

In doing my experiments, I found a wonderful way to work out the scripts, to come up with stuff that was powerful. If you just try writing it down, it tends to wander all over the place like a lost dog sniffing after olfactory wonders in the woodland.

Plus, plenty of things that theoretically ought to work … don’t. But my organized method works wonders.

Later, I discovered I could simply sell the voicemail by leading the buyer into listening to my (recorded) presentation on the voicemail itself. These days a lot of selling is done on the internet, and still on the telephone. And there’s a mighty parallel between my older processes and the way things are sold today, on the phone and online.

Here is the method that worked again and again …

(Oh the sheer suspense!)

OK. Enough stalling. Here’s the plan …

(1) At first, if you can, arrange to take calls whenever possible, even if it’s a cheapo product.

(2) Improvise and explain your product as best you can. Answer their questions as best you can.

(3) After just a little time, you will notice that you are saying the same words to every caller, and you will notice that the callers are asking the same questions.

(4) Now write down (or record) those words that you are saying. Make a list of the questions that they most frequently ask, and weave the answers into your presentation.

(5) Now you have a tested and working presentation.

The human is always efficient. We learn not to waste time or energy automatically. Even without much thinking about it, you will notice maybe subconsciously, what ‘worked’ and you’ll repeat that behavior on your next phone call. You’re a human. That’s how a human naturally operates.

Try it. You’ll like it.

Categories // All, bidness, Looking Back, Wisdom Log

The Golden Words, Opium, and my dog Charlie

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

The big vacant lot, Weed, California, July 4, 2008: I was walking with my dogs, and I got to talking to my dog Charlie, who is young and impulsive. He’s a great listener. I can say any kind of nonsense and he’s still interested.

But I was talking to Charlie and I asked him if he liked poetry. He didn’t answer, being a dog, and I asked him if he like Samuel Taylor Coleridge. He didn’t answer that either.

But it got me to musing about that story. Do you remember how Coleridge was an opium smoker?

Well, he was.

And there he was, high as a kite, and in his mind’s eye he saw this really swell poem, and he went to write it down. It’s really quite wonderful. Has several paragraphs, and the first one goes like this …

“In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.”

But at that moment, a guy to whom Coleridge owed money came banging on the door! Interrupted our Samuel, and that was the end of the swell poem.

Bummer.

And while I was walking along with Charlie, who ran to chase some birds, I was thinking how we’re all searching for the … Golden Words.

The Golden Words that will bring us the love of our life. The Golden Words that will banish all our fears forever. The Golden Words that will magically unlock the riches of the internet.

Kind of like ‘Open, Sesame,’ for Ali Baba.

But when the currents of life toss you about, you know how often the quest for these Golden Words can toss us right in among the Forty Theives!

Oh, gosh, it can be confusing.

I’ve felt completely flabbergasted sometimes. Not because there’s any shortage of information. In fact, there’s too much!

There’s gems and glimmering gold all around us, as we go through life, but it’s like glimpsing a treasure while everyone around you is yelling.

Don’t you sometimes wish for something just simple and clear?

Something just simple?

Something clear?

Unlike Mr. Samuel Taylor Coleridge, seems like it’s just swell to be clear-headed, and sometimes I think that maintaining a good sense of balance, a feeling of calm, and a clear vision may be the entire trick to living a wonderful life.

And if, sometimes, we’re all searching for the Golden Words … well, there’s a little artist in all of us.

Categories // All, Looking Back, truth, Views

Grass Blade Whistle

03.13.2011 by bloggard // 2 Comments

Weed, California June 18, 2008: Walking the dogs in the huge vacant lot toward the end of day, I plucked a thick blade from an uprising of wild grasses, and made a loud whistle. This both excited and alarmed the dogs. So we had a little game all the way back to the house. Loud whistle. Leap and gyrate. Loud whistle. Leap and gyrate. Loud whistle. Leap and gyrate. Damn, we had fun!

And this reminded me that, back in September of 2007, Derrel Blain, another Henrietta Texas boy, took the time to capture this wondrous technology on his weblog of photos, drawings, and musings, called Daily Art Mas O Menos (Daily Art more or less). He drew the illustrations with ink, graphite, and a Derwent wash pencil.

With his permission, I here reprint “How to Make a Grass Blade Whistle.” Something every boy ought to know.

HOW TO MAKE A GRASS BLADE WHISTLE

Let’s suppose you need to make a loud noise to frighten off a large wild animal (assuming you’ve encountered a large wild animal that can actually be frightened), or suppose you become lost or injured while hiking and need to signal your whereabouts, or let’s suppose you are eight years old hanging out with your cousins in a small town in Texas with not much to do, trying to make as much noise as possible.

In that case you can make a really loud whistle from a grass blade. Strictly speaking it’s not a whistle but a single reed instrument. A whistle has a fixed surface; a reed instrument has a moving surface vibrating against a fixed surface.

Whatever, it still is ear-splittingly loud.

Here’s how to do it.

Find yourself a grass blade, or leaf, or something similar, longer than your thumb. Not a wimpy grass blade from a suburban lawn, but a native grass or weed that’s tough, with about a finger’s width to it.

Hold it between thumb and forefinger so the grass more or less drapes along the length of your thumb.

Grass Blade Whistle Step Uno

After holding it between thumb and forefinger with one hand, so the grass more or less drapes along the length of your thumb, catch the bottom end of the blade with your middle finger.

Pull the grass blade tight along the side of your thumb with this finger, while bringing your other thumb up to replace your forefinger.

Grass Blade Whistle Step Dos

After pulling the grass blade tight along the side of your thumb with your middle finger, bring your thumbs parallel to form an opening with the grass blade centered in it.

Keep holding the grass blade taut with your middle finger, at the base of your thumb, so that the grass blade is stretched tight across the opening.

When you blow between your thumbs, the reed (the grass blade) will vibrate against the sides of your thumbs, much the same way a reed works in a harmonica.

This reed-whistle will be piercingly loud and strident, sort of like a one-note saxophone gone bad, a very desirable quality if you’re eight.

Grass Blade Whistle Step Tres

—–
Thanks to Derrel Blain for permission to archive this essential information.

And now you know.

Go thee forth and share this with young lads everywhere. The world will be a better place.

Categories // All, childhood, Looking Back

Margaret’s Lime

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Henrietta, Texas circa 1970: Darrel Blain went to school with my brother, David Strickland, and sometimes rode his bike out to the farm near Hurnville to visit. Like any kid growing up in Henrietta, his mother bought his clothes at John’s Drygoods, and the Library Rummage Sale was a big deal.

But he was enterprising, and he got a job at the ‘Lo Boy, cooking burgers and making cokes.

Then one day, there was this lime.

The limes were kept inside the grey metal ice-maker, in a bucket. At that time, lime cokes were a hot item at the ‘Lo Boy. The formula is simple: make a fountain coke, cut a slice of lime, and squeeze it into the coke.

But not this lime. It was too beautiful.

Large. Deep green. Unblemished and perfect. It was just too pretty to slice up and put in a coke, so Darrel stuck it into his pocket instead.

Later that day, it happened that he biked out to the Hurnville farm. to visit with my brother David. While he and David were lounging around, my mother, Margaret was her name, saw the lime.

She said gee, that would really be good with tequila. She asked if she could have it.

Startled, he was. Actually somewhat shocked, for he had never seen anyone actually drink tequila, much less have it with a lime. He handed it over.

She smiled.

Categories // All, enjoying life, family, Looking Back

Accumulation

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Nocona Texas, 1969: Bob Standley is my brother-in-law, because he married my sister Mary. But some time before they got married, when he was in high school, he had a Chevy Malibu.

He had a little job, I think it was at the boot factory, and he had to be very careful with his money. Each week on Saturday, he took $2, and he’d fill up the gas tank — it was a long time ago — and there was money left over to go to the drive-inn movie, and to buy a nasty little cigar called a Swisher Sweet.

Every week he followed this $2 routine, and so as to conserve his money, he drove his car only when he had to, so that the gas would last through the week.

But then one Saturday, something strange happened.

He was at the gas station, and he started to gas up.

But the gas splashed out of the tank.

He thought he’d made some sort of mistake, so he stuck the nozzle in again, and gave it a squirt.

Again the gas splashed out of the tank.

Suddenly he realized what had happened.

Just like saving money for a rainy day, his conserving the fuel had left him with almost a full tank, and the tank just couldn’t hold any more gas!

So he had the entire $2 still in his hand, today.

That night, he and his friends went to the movie, and they had cokes several times, and then they drove around, all over the place, all night long.

Categories // All, enjoying life, Looking Back

Fearless? Or Fear Less?

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Weed, California, June 18, 2008: The other day I woke up thinking about the word ‘fearless.’Have you ever known anybody who was actually fearless?I haven’t. Pretty much any human, any mammal, has fear. And that makes sense, because if a creature didn’t have any fear at all, sooner or later that creature would come a cropper. Adios muchacho.

And critters coming a cropper leave no progeny.

We are, therefore, the progeny of the timorous humans. Or at least of the humans with a healthy dose of fear. Oh we could call it ‘prudence,’ or something that sounds better.

But it’s fear.

However, the other thought is that, over the years, things change.

As I think back about things as a child, I recall fears and even terrors.

As I think back to the adolescent, college, and young-adult years, still fears. Fears a-plenty.

As I recall the late twenties, and the thirties. Yup. Fears.

But somewhere in the forties, a change has become visible. It is just not giving a da*n? The fears about ‘what others think’ seem to have faded away. The fears about ‘the future’ have become weak.

I’ve heard it said that it’s amazing how much mature wisdom resembles just being tired. However, it seems to me that over the years, fears fade.

I have always been afraid to be in places where there are things that can, and would, eat me.

So I don’t go scuba diving in the ocean — well, once I did — and I don’t much like camping in the woods among the bears — well, once I did — I guess I wasn’t terrified of these things, but it bugged me, worrying about them.

And now … I still don’t want to go scuba diving or wander among the woodland bears, or saunter the African savannah amongst the lions, and tigers, and cheetahs, and panthers, and … well, I say the heck with fiddling around with creatures that could eat me.

But, day to day, there is not so much fear. Not like the early years.

I guess it’s … less fear. Fear … less.

So you younger folks, racked by worries and fears. Fear not, for simply by staying alive for a bit longer you will fear less.

I think George Burns said, “There’s nothing very impressive about being old. Anybody can do it, if you just live long enough.”

I guess that’s enough muttering and pondering for today.

And now we return to the studio, and resume your life. Over to you, Chet.

Categories // All, Looking Back

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