I KNOW YOU!
As soon as the telemarketer identifies himself, you exclaim: “Bill? Bill! Is that you? Wow! It’s been forever! What have you been doing all this time?”
I KNOW BETTER
As soon as the telemarketer identifies himself, you exclaim: “Bill! Bill Johnson? The hell you say! You’re scamming the wrong guy buddy! Because I KNOW Bill Johnson … and you’re not him! Now listen to me. You get the real Bill Johnson, and you have him call me immediately, you hear? I’ve had just about enough of this!”
After the telemarketer has told you what they’re selling, you say, “That sounds pretty good, and you’ve called at just the right time, I must say. But I want to know one thing … Is it dischargable in bankruptcy?”
THIS IS SHE
When the telemarketer asks for you by name, or when the telemarketer asks if you are the person in charge of purchasing, you answer (if you are a guy): “This is she.”
Then for the rest of the conversation, you speak in your most manly voice, but continually express a feminine viewpoint.
When they tell you what they’re selling, express interest, and then ask, “Can I pay with Food Stamps?”