CHARLES THE POET
Answer with: “I am so glad you called, I just finished some poetry that I wanted to try out. I will be glad to listen to the rest of your call if you’ll listen to my poem.”
“Sometimes, in life, you find, that if you try, as you will and have before, you may be …”
Now fill in the rest with rambling nonsense for about a minute; then stop. When the telemarketer starts to talk, cut him off and start rambling again for another few minutes. Continue this as many times as is necessary until he hangs up.
If the telemarketer is persistent, you ask:
“Did you like the poem?”
If he says yes, ask which part he liked the best. Demand specifics, and then comment at length on the emotional angst and spiritual juxtaposition of the part he has chosen.
NO PHONE
“I’m sorry, but we don’t have a telephone.”
SANTALAND
Answer: “One moment.” Make pausing and clicking sounds. Then answer: “This is Buddy the Elf.” Then talk very very fast about a shipment and some problems in the workshop, so that they don’t understand you when you then say, “Loser says what?” Repeat as needed.
RADIO STATION
You answer: “Caller number nine, you’re on the air. What song would you like to hear?”
Well obviously something like this can only work if you’re being contacted in the privacy of your own home. I can’t say it’s easy to imagine a CEO doing something like this without getting bad publicity.
On the other hand, I think I’ll try this some time if I ever get a telemarketing call myself. Usually those who call private homes are already in violation of DNC lists and other telecommunications laws. I sure wouldn’t mind teaching these posers what it means to make a mockery out of what my law-abiding telemarketing buddies do.
I may quote the Law of TeleMockery Reciprocity …
If they call me up to suit *their* purposes, then it’s surely fair that I answer to suit *my* purposes. N’est pas?
🙂