Ruru the Guru — Does he Really Like Me?

San Francisco Yellow Pages, 1986: In the Yellow Pages that year you’d find listed “Third Ear Telepathic Answering Service” at 221-3333. If you called it you might hear this —

“Hello and thank you for calling Third Ear Telepathic Answering Service, the good-time telepathic answering service that can get you fixed up!

“I am your Host and Operator Ruru the Guru, speaking to you direct from the Himalaya Hideaway.

“You know, sometimes I think you humans do things the hard way.

“For example, on Saturday nights I work a lot in a bar off Union Street. When people start to run low I carry the message to Joe the Bartender. You may know the place. Joe always hands you a fresh one about the time you start to think about it.

“Anyway, there’s a woman in gold lame, slit skirt, and pearls down to here, she asks me:

“Ruru,” (she asks), “That guy across the way, been looking at me all night, I wonder if he really likes me?”

“I said I’d find out.

“After I spent a few seconds in his mind, I was kind of liking her looks myself! So I went back and said–

“He’d sure like to find out if he likes you!

“She said to ask him to come sit over here. So I did.

“And she sez ask him to buy me a drink. So I did, and he did.

“She sez ask him to put his arm around me. So I did, and he did. And then she starts to ask me …

“And right there I put my foot down.

“Hell, lady. He’s sitting right beside you. He looks friendly. Ask him yourself!”