The Adventures of Bloggard

Been Around the Block. Got Some Stories. These are Them.

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A Cottage in East Grinstead

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

East Grinstead, Sussex. 1968. When I went to study in England, I wore my warm railroad clothing, because I feared to pack my oily boots inside my suitcase. Lucky, as it turned out, because my suitcase went on a two-week vacation to Madagascar, and England was very cold.

With a roommate I had a front room, looking onto the sleepy village lane. My roommate maintained a running battle with the early birds.

The Scene of the Battle.

In the early morning dark, an invisible milkman left bottles on the step. The quick little birds then swooped down to peck holes in the tin-foil caps, and they siphoned off the cream with their narrow beaks. Each morning, the roommate swore at the holes in the milk caps.

That and the heater.

The heater was a kind of vending machine; you had to feed it with coins when you wanted heat. Of course, they had to be just the right coins. Almost never the ones on hand.

It takes a lot of planning to live in England.

At that time, East Grinstead’s High Street was ringed with shops. Each store a specialty store. One for meat, another for fish, yet another for vegetables. Books? Bookstore. Stationery? Stationery store. I believe that the exhaustion this causes is the main reason for Fish and Chips shops.

Contrary to common belief, Fish and Chips shops offer a wide variety of toothsomes. For example, peas. And sausages, and pasties and steak and kidney pie. All served in a cone of newspaper, and a strong cupper tea with milk. To say “Thank you,” you say, “Ta.”

At the restaurant at the Inn, I had dinner one evening with Karen Black, the actress, but it was an embarrassing mistake, as it turned out. However, that’s another story.

During the year I lived there, I saw three or four sunny days.

It is hard to describe the astounding beauty of English countryside on a sunny day. More pointed as so rare. Most days brought an overcast, slate-gray sky, and the air chill and crisp.

On cold days, a ghost visited our cottage. My roommate and I tried to communicate, but with little result. The ghost came and went; raising hackles and then vanishing. One night, it seemed to pass through the wall to outside. I followed, and walked up the lane. The night was deserted, and the air was clear. A half-moon gave some light when I’d passed the last streetlamp.

I failed to find the ghost, but it seemed as if there were a fog lying upon the ground, a couple of feet thick it felt. Yet no fog was there. I seemed to be walking through it, and felt it swirling around my shins, tugging at me, calling out in words too faint to ken.

I walked along the lane, puzzling, and then a realization came.

It was history, lying thick upon the ground. Living history, flowing from deeds long gone, and fading into forget.

Categories // Looking Back

The Bullsnake

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Near Hurnville, Texas. July 4, 1952. My grandparents farmhouse rose atop a hill, and so, looking south, all the brown fields were stretched out below, and the wandering line of dense green trees showed where the creek wandered across the landscape.

We were just outside the kitchen, by the cistern. This was a well, dug by hard labor into the clay soil, dug by hand down to the water table, and the shaft lined with rock. Above ground, the stone table rose about four feet, and was then topped with wood, and a hatch. Above, a rigging, and a pulley with a bucket on the rope.

Alongside the cistern, we were making ice cream.

The ice-cream maker was green-painted wood, and the inner container rolled through crushed ice and rock salt. We took turns cranking the handle. Many of my cousins were there, all come to visit. The afternoon was hot, and we’d stopped running around.

As we waited for the ice cream to be ready, my grandfather came up from the feedlot, through the garden gate, in his flat-brimmed hat and tall boots.

He was dragging, by the tail, a long black snake.

Oh, it was angry! It hissed and curled, curled and hissed. He seemed fearless to me. At any minute, wouldn’t it bite him? I was the oldest cousin, at age twelve. The younger ones were all frightened. So was I. Grandfather smiled.

He Wanted Out of There!

“It’s a bullsnake,” he said, releasing it. The black snake, suddenly realizing freedom, began wiggling quickly away, back to safety in the garden. Grandfather nodded, “It’s harmless.”

It looked dangerous. I asked him why he didn’t kill it.

“It’ll kill the mice that eat the crops,” he said. “It’ll kill the rats that steal the eggs. It’s a good thing to have a bullsnake around. I thought you might like to see it.” Grandmother fussed about the snake. He said nothing further.

Now, here is my question. The ice cream was now ready. My mother served it up in thick bowls, startling cold, thick and rich, and sweet. Now, after our brush with danger, why did it seem so exceptionally delicious?

Categories // Looking Back

Ode to the Drive-In Movie

03.13.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Wichita Falls, Texas, 1961.

When a man is young, and has a car;
And lives at home, and loves afar,
Hooray for the Drive-In! There unseen,
In Winter’s best, when windows steam.

Categories // Looking Back

Life keeps Happening to Me!

03.12.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

My vision is impaired. Just recently, dark specks appeared before my eyes. Actually, only before one eye. Not the little odd things you sometimes see, dust motes floating, because when I blink they don’t move. Inside the eye, then.

Good old Kaiser slid me into a 4:30 appointment with eyedrops and tests. Come to find out …

My body is not what it was. Smaller parts don’t work as well. It requires more resting. It is natural, they say. Well, so would pain be natural should I pound their toes with a hammer, but natural doesn’t make it good.

Some deterioration makes the specks. Most likely the specks will settle, due to gravity, in some weeks. Most likely the problems will not progress. Most likely.

But when you think about it, we’re floating adrift in the Body of God, luminous points in the sea of space. Adrift. Our entire existance is against the odds. No wonder then, that the odds catch up, now and then.

Such a little threat, a small inconvenience, these specks. They’re right in the way of where I’m looking, they are. They obscure a tiny part of the world. I am having the time of my life, and the time is passing relentlessly. Perhaps in the end, the entire world has become obscured, and there is nothing left to see.

It makes me suddenly grateful, for vision granted. Just another unappreciated gift. Life itself is not exactly a gift. Life is a loan. That’s the deal. No use whining when we must pay up. You don’t like the deal, then don’t play.

I like the deal. I’m in.

Categories // All

The Bicycle Thief

03.12.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Wichita Falls, Texas. Fall, 1970: At 26 I returned to school. The philosophy professor, a thin-veneered communist, resembled Robert Redford’s half-brother sired by John Denver, with round spectacles and curly blond hair.

The reading list covered the Chinese Revolution, and the Autobiography of Malcolm X. One day while blondie professor waxed poetic about the “beautiful street language” of Malcolm X, I pointed out that Malcolm hadn’t written the book. Prof was stupified.

I explained. Right on the cover, it said ‘As told to Alex Haley’. That meant Alex Haley was hired to write the book because Malcolm X either wouldn’t or couldn’t write the book. So, beautiful street language? More likely, contrived gutter talk.

Prof was stumped by that. From then on, we weren’t pals. He regarded me with deep suspicion. He knew something was wrong, but not what.

On the other hand, he couldn’t fault me. I did the work, I took the tests, I even showed up at his house when he was showing an italian film called “The Bicycle Thief.”

Now this is great cinema, about a little boy whose factory-worker father’s bicycle was stolen one day. The father couldn’t get to work so he was fired. He fell on hard times and things went from bad to worse. One day, maddened, the father stole a bicycle and peddled away, but was caught and hauled off the bicycle by an indignant mob who dragged him off to the police and jail, as the boy watched.

Of course, it was just more grist for our Communist education. I didn’t much care, because I’d written a paper in high school called ‘Altruism and the Communist Manifesto’.

Communism for All?

That sounds very grand, but my step-father had bought Brittanica books with many old and famous writers, and my papers had taken a turn for the learned. Since I knew everything in the world about Altrusim, I wasn’t buying it. I was a big flop as a Communist.

However, I got my grade, as needed. I graduated, and moved on to graduate study at San Francisco State.

A few years later, in North Beach, one Sunday I walked to the park on Columbus, to hear the free music and soak in the sun. I was sprawled on the grass, when, looking to my right, there was blondie professor.

“Well, hello,” I said.

He seemed very surprised to see me. He was visiting, and wasn’t San Francisco wonderful. Asked me how I happened to be visiting. I said I lived around the corner.

Blondie was clearly disappointed. Somehow, I had stolen something from him, just by being there. Some magic or enchantment evaporated. It showed in his face, or in a pause of speech. The conversation languished. Soon he stood up and said he had to go.

I never saw him again.

That’s what wrong with these Communists. They fade in the home stretch.

Categories // All

Yo Mama!

03.12.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Two Bird Cafe, San Geronimo, Mama Day, 2003:

From Tulip the dog and Percy the cat, my dear Adrienne got new sneaks yesterday, and a card today. There was a 37-cent stamp drawn on the envelope. They thought that would make the card look real classy.

Thinking of Mom!

Adrienne has breakfasted on Pannatone French Toast, here at Two Bird Cafe, at an outside table, in mottled sunlight through the willow. Tre sportif she is, in green pants and stylish pale yellow sweater. The air is crisp and clear. The waitrii are jumping, the place is packed.

In a moment, since nearby, we briefly visit the Celinas, where the children in jammies come to excite Tulip. Percy has not come with us, pleading a prior appointment with a patch of sun upon the deck.

Did you phone Mom today? If not, don’t you wish you could?

I know I do.

Categories // All

Why I Like Dogs

03.12.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Mount Shasta, May 9, 2003: “Because they have beauty, and they’re friendly. And also,” Adrienne told me this morning, “Because they have that … that wildness in them.”

I agree. I think that’s why men generally like dogs. Dogs are friendly and, no matter how domestic, there is a wildness in them. And isn’t that exactly how every man, including myself, wishes to be?

Our dog Tulip is female, but the dog nature is unvarying. And here’s why I like dogs …

Dogs are friendly. Unless you are an intruder, and need to be killed, generally a dog assumes that you are good, that you are likable. So already, we’re off to a good start.

The Dining Room

Dogs are enthusiastic. No matter what’s going on, it’s the dog’s favorite. Food? His favorite! The woman comes home? His favorite! The man comes home? His favorite! Play ball? His favorite! Go to the post office? His favorite!

Within their compass, dogs are loyal. Sure, things there are that will make any dog run. Can we say less for ourselves? I think not. But, short that ungovernable terror, the dog is in the game on your side completely, totally, utterly.

Dogs are beautiful. Further, every dog is an athlete. Further, they move with grace. When they grow older, one of the reasons it touches the heart is that we see in them, as we see in ourselves, the loss of grace.

Dogs have a wildness. Domesticated, sure. But civilized? Never. Not now, not later, not ever. They are animals!

And I figure that makes them …

Much more honest than ourselves.

Categories // All

Wrestling with the Angel of Hack

03.12.2011 by bloggard // Leave a Comment

Searching a method permitting BlogBoys users to edit their AboutMe, I was hunting a php programmer. A Nucleus forum visitor pointed me toward a free script to do the job, and once downloaded and installed, it’s great and it’s terrible.

It’s great because I can copy the script anywhere into html space, then browse there, and presto I can see inside most any folder on the server. In any folder world-writable, I can copy files, make links to files, delete files, edit files. Neat.

The Angel of Hack

It’s terrible because, if I can do it, anybody can do it. Getting into a previously ‘secured’ folder and stealing the credit-card number proved way easy. If I can’t throttle this boy into acting with some restraint, he’s outta here!

Categories // All

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