Law 23 of Conspiracy Theories

This is a simple law of nature, but one which is very handy:

Humans in groups are generally clumsy, and damn few humans are skillful enough to actually create a Conspiracy.

That’s it. The vast majority of things that go wrong are doing so because humans can not work together, and not because some skillful group of humans is both effective and secret.

For example, let’s say that I’m concerned about global warming, and about fossel fuels, and about the gubbamint.

Does this mean that I decide to give up driving my Ford Focus grandly about the town?

Not at all.

Instead, I drive grandly about in the Ford Focus, worrying about global warming, fossel fuels, and blamingthe gubbamint. Blaming is so much easier than walking, as I drive grandly around in the Ford Focus.

And if there’s one thing a human knows how to do, it’s how to conserve energy. His own energy.

[See also Law 23 of Roommates and Dishes.]

So, just as a practical matter, getting together with a secret group of people in order to do something, doing it effectively and then still keeping it secret? Not usually likely.

It was our Foundering Father, Benjy Franklin, who said, “Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

Humans, keeping a secret effectively? Naw!

Humans, operating effectively as a group? Haw!

Humans creating a conspiracy without shooting themselves in their collective feet? Pshaw!

So you can relax. They’re not really out to get you. You just got run over by ordinary human incompetence, greed, clumsiness, thoughtlessness, and avarice.

Feel better now?

There. Knowing this valuable Rule-O-Thumb, go forth and prosper.