October 19, 2018, Medford Oregon –– Tomorrow a big truck with moving guys comes, and nearly all my home is packed into boxes. The last few weeks have been overshadowed. As the leaves were turning gold and falling from the huge tree out front, I worried that packing up seemed overwhelming, but bit by bit …
Behind the house of the neighbor across the street, her name is Linda, her trees have turned bright and colorful. It’s Autumn.
The neighbors next door had yet another fiesta last Friday. Although it’s sometimes noisy near my bedroom window, I like the sounds, men talking in Spanish, kids yelling and running around.
A Change in the Air
After tomorrow, I don’t live here any more.
I’ve felt this before. Maybe you have, too …
It’s time to go, and the rooms become empty again, until finally the place looks vacant like the day you moved in. And you walk around these empty rooms, and whether or not you liked the time spent there, nostalgia comes over you.
In my bedroom, in my mind I again see gooddog Charlie. This is where he died, not that long ago. I feel like I am abandoning him, because I am leaving the room. I miss him and feel like somehow I am also leaving him behind, because it’s the place where I hold his memory.
But he will not miss me here.
No Reason to Be Here
A few years ago, I moved here with Susan, before she lost her sight and went away to learn how to be a blind person. I thought it likely that the relationship was completely gone. I felt no different toward her, but had to accept letting it go.
A few months ago I was surprised to hear from her reaching out by phone again. And a few trips to visit over the last few months where she’d landed again in Mount Shasta. Surprised and happy to discover the relationship was not gone after all. And so I am moving back to Mount Shasta.
Unlike some other moves in the past, this time I do not have the feeling of moving forward. I feel like I am moving backward, retreating. But it’s what I want to do. I cannot remain, no reason. Though I’ve made a few good friends here, there is nothing to keep me in Medford.
I just didn’t have any other place that called to me.
Until now.
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